The House on Rockaway Beach by Emma Burstall

Author:Emma Burstall [Burstall, Emma]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781786698896
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

Twelve

Who am I? Where do I come from? Do I really exist? Gripped with panic, Sophie curled up, foetus-like, on the duvet, too shocked even to cry.

So this is what it felt like to discover the man you’d called Dad your entire life wasn’t in fact your biological father. She felt betrayed by everyone she’d once cared about, including her mother and even Pampy.

So much made sense now and she understood at last why her dad had been so cold towards her. But whilst the shattering news certainly answered some big questions, it also raised a myriad others.

Sophie wanted to know, for instance, whether Terry, her mother, actually chose to marry Paul. It was painful to imagine her hand had been forced and that perhaps they’d never been in love.

Also, who was the Irish boy she slept with, what did he look like and why did he let her down? Was he alive and if so, where did he live and with whom? Perhaps he was rich and successful, or maybe he lived a sad and lonely existence. He might have an incurable disease, which Sophie was destined to inherit, or other children, who’d be her half-brothers and -sisters.

Only a short time ago, she’d thought of herself as predominantly English, because she’d been born in London, with a bit of her mother’s Irish-American in her, too. Knowing now that it was mostly Irish blood coursing through her veins made her feel lost, alone and empty, as if her very identity had been stolen away by thieves, leaving just a hollow shell.

She must have fallen asleep for a long time, worn out by the thoughts and feelings tormenting her. When she opened her eyes, the bright sun outside her window was starting to fade and a gnawing pain in her stomach reminded her she hadn’t eaten or drunk anything for hours.

Sitting up made her feel sick and light-headed, so she remained on the bed for a little while, breathing in and out slowly to try to stop the panic from rising again.

Her gaze fell on her wardrobe, the door of which was firmly locked, and she remembered her grandfather’s letter. After a while she got up, fetched the key from her purse, opened the door, removed the letter from the sewing box and read it once more.

As parents, we tried to instil in you the values we hold dear. It seems, however, that you have rejected faith, honesty, hard work and self-sacrifice in favour of lies and self-gratification.

We are deeply concerned not only for you, your husband and daughters, but also for our precious Catholic community here in Rockaway.

Sophie bit her lip and frowned. What did he mean by saying Terry had rejected the values he held dear in favour of lies and self-gratification? Hadn’t she obeyed his wishes, married Paul and lived a lie in a desperate bid to make amends and save the family’s reputation?

She must have done a really dreadful thing later in life to enrage her father so.

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